Removed

by capriciousbynature

Well, my BOPA plans haven’t happened again. I will make it through the booklet at one point but I’m not upset that it isn’t happening at the moment. It isn’t an issue of conviction, but I am on vacation afterall. I could make the time to reflect, to ponder and to grow based on these teachings but I’m too busy enjoying myself. For the most part at least. I had one night of homesickness, but it was more than that. This knowing and understanding is so much more difficult for me at this time in my life than I could have ever expected.

It is proving especially difficult for me to let go of others chaos. I feel like I’m holding the secrets to happiness and everyone else around me refuses to listen. I mean, I’m not going out of my way to share these “secrets” with most people I’m around, they aren’t willing to listen any more than they are to change their lives. I’m just completely dumbfounded that anyone would be willing to submit themselves to these hardships.

I feel removed. I want to shake them and wake them up and make them understand that they don’t have to suffer. I know I shouldn’t. I know this is only distressing me and causing ME to feel negativity. I shouldn’t put this upon myself, but considering this is the only negativity in my life at the moment I have to believe that I’m making progress. I’m still just..in disbelief.

I am removed. But I need to let go. In the mean time, I am enjoying the new tools I’ve gained. This is proving to be a VERY beneficial trip. I have so many new crystals, a set of coins that I can practice I-ching with and even a Kabbalah oracle deck. Call me a little eclectic, but this makes me happy.