I feel as though there is a change coming. It may just be the natural shift of seasons, the itching for spring to start. But I think its more than that. Obviously, I am going to make a tradition in my school soon, whether its next semester or the one after. Yet, I see things changing in the social dynamics all around me.
Still, it isn’t to a point that I can exactly explain. Small things are shifting here and there. It feels like I’ve taken in a slow deep breath and I’m waiting before I let it out. Those few seconds of breathlessness before the air rushes out of my lungs and the sudden emptiness comes as a relief. There is a bit of anxiety to it too, I suppose. The not knowing. The not having control. The accepting that everything will be good even without those.
And everything is good. I suppose that is why I haven’t written as much as I usually like to. My time is pretty well taken up by life, every intermingling part of my life that has me dancing through the days and weeks and now months. Summer is coming too quickly and nights like this, when I’ve chosen to stay in from the cold and rest, I wonder if I should be out experiencing more. But I’m happy to give myself rest. I asked for a lazy, relaxed week and I’ve had it so far.
I do feel a bit of a hang up as far as working the Law of Attraction. It is the same problem I’ve had since the beginning. I have a very difficult time defining things. Which..is odd in saying it. I don’t think being vague is such a bad thing. I want to be happy, I want to experience more happy things. If the universe is constantly working toward my good, shouldn’t it also be able to surprise me with things and experiences that make me happy? I suppose it has, but I feel as though I’m falling short by not putting terms to it as I’ve seen others do.
I am receptive to making the transition that will lead me to happier experiences. There are some things that feel as though they have outlived their uselfulness but I don’t feel the need or any sense of urgency in releasing them – despite their lack of purpose, they are also not hindering me. I think, perhaps, I would like to experience a new group type setting. Not necessarily the class type meetings of BOPA, but some regular happening with other women with shared interests. I’m not certain what and I wouldn’t know where to start looking. I’m feeling a bit jaded toward the spiritual community in my area at the moment. So..I’m not really sure. But it would be nice to be among like minded people at least once a week, to share ideas and stories and enjoy each others company. That is something I can feel very good about calling into my experience.
For now, I’ll enjoy the rest of my lazy week. Perhaps I’ll have more answers in my dreams tonight.