Removed

Well, my BOPA plans haven’t happened again. I will make it through the booklet at one point but I’m not upset that it isn’t happening at the moment. It isn’t an issue of conviction, but I am on vacation afterall. I could make the time to reflect, to ponder and to grow based on these teachings but I’m too busy enjoying myself. For the most part at least. I had one night of homesickness, but it was more than that. This knowing and understanding is so much more difficult for me at this time in my life than I could have ever expected.

It is proving especially difficult for me to let go of others chaos. I feel like I’m holding the secrets to happiness and everyone else around me refuses to listen. I mean, I’m not going out of my way to share these “secrets” with most people I’m around, they aren’t willing to listen any more than they are to change their lives. I’m just completely dumbfounded that anyone would be willing to submit themselves to these hardships.

I feel removed. I want to shake them and wake them up and make them understand that they don’t have to suffer. I know I shouldn’t. I know this is only distressing me and causing ME to feel negativity. I shouldn’t put this upon myself, but considering this is the only negativity in my life at the moment I have to believe that I’m making progress. I’m still just..in disbelief.

I am removed. But I need to let go. In the mean time, I am enjoying the new tools I’ve gained. This is proving to be a VERY beneficial trip. I have so many new crystals, a set of coins that I can practice I-ching with and even a Kabbalah oracle deck. Call me a little eclectic, but this makes me happy.

BOPA: Day 4 – Health

Morning Ritual

I’ve put quite a bit of thought into the power of belief lately. It’s something that I’ve always felt drawn to, but the notion felt like pure fantasy until lately. I always imagined a fictitious world where anything was possible, so long as anyone believed in it. I also had the notion of the Gods power being based on belief, then I read American Gods and the idea became even more firmly rooted, even though that is clearly fiction.

But now I’m faced with the fact that this notion of belief isn’t fiction. Today’s reading hit on a few things that are already supported by my current actions but again, it is good to be reminded. I cannot stand the tricks of media, I can’t even bring myself to watch the news. When I actually want to know something, I research it, I read the laws, I go to the sources. That doesn’t happen all that often, but when I feel that urge to know I can’t bring myself to trust any TV or radio show, regardless of how reputable they claim to be.

So what does this have to do with health? The mis-belief in ailments and age. I’m stuck on this too, something I need to let go of, but I’m coming to a point that I’m starting to be scared of what I’m going to get because I’m bound to at some point..because my family has a history or because of some statistic. But do you see that right there, even my own wording! I’m bound to. I’ve bound myself to the belief that is what will happen. But it doesn’t have to and the sooner I accept that, the sooner I wont have to deal with any of it, because frankly I don’t want to be ill. Who does?

What I Intend to do: Continue to bless my food before I eat it. Eat everything with happiness. Allow myself to be happy, allow myself to be the conduit for that positive flow I looove to feel. I also intend to dismiss the idea of illness.

For the Universe to handle: Everything, can I just leave it at that? Things seem to go so much more smoothly when I take away the need to control and leave it to the universe. But I’ll make an attempt at being specific – happiness, let it flow abundantly. Let us sigh in relief and comfort and joy and love. Let that energy flow around us strongly enough that it cant be ignored.

Segment: Tonight

In this segment I am: Sleeping!

I want to accomplish: Getting a good nights sleep

I want to feel: Happy and rested

Segment: Tomorrow morning

In this segment I am: Riding through Florida

I want to accomplish: Getting to Boca safely and in a good mood

I want to feel: Comfortable, relaxed and patient

Segment: Tomorrow evening

In this segment I am: Settling into my dads house

I want to accomplish: Feeling at home

I want to feel: Relaxed, loved and welcomed

Segment: Tomorrow night

In this segment I am: BOPA-ing

I want to accomplish: Day 5 exercises

I want to feel: Inspired and empowered

Daily Ritual

1) What is bothering me? Emotionally, I’m much more stable than I was over the last two days. Physically, my back, legs and feet hurt and are tired. I say this is because of everything I was doing today, but I have to wonder if this is true. I wasn’t in pain until I settled down for the evening, when my mind was no longer occupied with other things and I started to assess my day. Could it be that I justified this physical pain because being in my condition means I should feel pain? And how do I want to feel? Happy of course, and not in any sort of pain!

2) What do I want to have? I’d still like a good lay lol but more than that, a massage would be wonderful. I think its just the trust and physical touch more than the release of tension in my muscles that sounds nice. I want to be pampered physically.

3) I’m floating down a river running through the mountains. There are other people, knowing this is comforting, but I might as well be in a world of my own. The water is moving at a steady pace and there are tall trees towering over the river, hiding the sunlight for periods of time, letting it shine down on me in warm patches before moving me along. I don’t know where I’m going or how long I’ve been floating down the river, but I don’t care. The water is so cold, it feels so good on such a hot day! I don’t ever want to get out.

4) Today I have $4,000 to spend. I would put $1,000 aside to ensure that I could get at least one mani-pedi every month for the rest of the year. I’d use another $1,000 for laser hair removal on a few places. And the remaining amount a good work out machine I could use at home.

Evening Ritual

Opps! I wrote on this as part of my morning ritual. I read both sections earlier in the day but didn’t get to sit down and write until just now. But can I just say, I really dislike alot of public media? When I had my own apartment, I didn’t even have a TV. I had a netflix account for the times that I wanted to relax and just watch something entertaining.

Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy a good movie or TV show. I’ve watched countless seasons of so many different types of shows. I love a good story. I enjoy reading for the exact same reason, sometimes its nice to be told a story. I think a good story, whether its a book or a TV show, SHOULD invoke some sort of emotions. However, this isn’t to say I want to allow these things to dictate how I feel or who I am.

“As you are an observer of life, whatever you are observing dictates the vibration that you practice. As you are a creator of life, you deliberately choose what you observe in order to affect the vibration.”

This I do find interesting though, and I’ll stay on this idea of movies and TV for a moment longer. I think this ties into why people have such strong tastes in shows and movies. Comedy makes us laugh, it causes a feeling of happiness. Romantic movies stir about longing and love. There are categories of movies for each emotion. You know what you’re getting when you start watching something and thats generally why these things are watched. A desire to feel differently, or to support those things that you’re already feeling. The point here is, you don’t need any of that to change how you feel. You can do that for yourself better than anyone else can. This is for everything from emotion to physical issues.

 

BOPA: Day 3 – Love

It has been a very long day of driving and the before mentioned tension is still present but it has been great! I don’t often speak about my personal spiritual practices, beyond new discoveries and so on but since I started back to college I’ve called on Athena many times. Although my ties are very clearly made with the Nordic pantheon, I can’t deny that I’ve always felt a calling to several roman/greek Goddesses. Today, we went to the Parthenon in Nashville. I wasn’t aware of its existence, but there was a page about it in the hotel book of local attractions. Luckily it wasn’t all that far from where we were saying..let me just say wow! It was such a powerfully spiritual adventure for me, dancing with images of the future temples I’d love to help create. I also now have an Athena figurine for my alter, which in itself has made this entire trip worth it..but I suppose I should get to the daily reflections and writing, shouldn’t I?

Morning Ritual

I did read this before starting my day and I’ve returned to that awe struck feeling of hitting the spot head on.

“You know at the very core of your being that you are an uplifter, and when somebody has made you not feel good it is doubly terrible to you because not only were you not intending to come forth and be dependent on them to make you feel good, you planned on making them feel better.”

I’ll be honest, I’m not always aware of the feelings of those around me but it is true that I never intend to cause anyone discomfort or any other negative feeling. I’m often concerned when those around me are feeling down but I’m not always sure what to do or say. But I feel their distress and depending on the situation, ask myself “what did I do wrong?” or “why doesn’t s/he like me?”. But this isn’t the question at all, nor is it my place to question their vibration if they’ve chosen it so firmly. I am leading myself to ask better questions these days, taking the I out of the equation and removing my ego from their problems. It isn’t easy, but it is something I am growing with.

“If I would look for something to appreciate and make that my dominant vibration, I would live happily ever after and fulfill my reason for being.”

I love this as well. I do have the habit of dwelling. The moment things start to go wrong I pull up everything from the past, the history of behavior that supports the harm being done. But instead, if I could find something (even completely outside of the situation) to appreciate, I wouldn’t feel the need to concern myself so much. What is being hurt here afterall? Not me. I’m not in physical pain in any way and it’s my choice to let words and tone affect me. It is my ego that is being hurt, but I’m not my ego. Don’t get me wrong, I’m hella proud of myself and in that sense my ego – my confidence – isn’t a bad thing, even if it could stand to be a little more humble at times. But these actions ‘against’ me aren’t a reflection of me or my person, they’re a reflection of the other persons pains and their choice to reside in those pains.

“The secret to life is this: look for something to appreciate and practice it until it becomes easy and you will live happily ever after.”

I love this. And I see exactly how this workbook is helping me to do just that!

What I Intend to do: Ho’oponopono the hell out of the rest of my trip. I intend to be more aware of how I am feeling and what I am saying. I intend to think of something I love/appreciate every time a negative feeling arises. I intend to forgive. I also intend to let go of this childish idea of ‘fairness’*.

For the Universe to Handle: Keep us safe for the remainder of the trip, let the van keep working in perfect order the rest of the way. Keep presenting me/us with amazing things and allowing everything to fall into place just the way it has been!

* I have to note here an internal struggle I faced yesterday. With the recent death of my grandfather and trying to address my grandmother’s affairs, I started thinking about my father and how difficult things will be when he passes away. Although I will never do anything to cause distress for my brother or sister, I feel like I know exactly what will happen – I will be completely cut out and forgotten because of my stepmother. While some sort of monetary inheritance would be nice, that isn’t what I want. I wasn’t even expecting anything with my grandma..I only wanted one of her butterfly necklaces, but now I’m being told I’ll receive several thousand. But that’s beside the point. All I want of my fathers are his photographs of the family and one of his rings. I decided in my mind that this was fair, but played out the scenario of what would actually happen and it wasn’t pleasant. It didn’t hit me until later that it doesn’t actually matter. When it comes down to it, it isn’t his things that are important.

Segment: Tonight

In this segment I am: Sleeping

I want to accomplish: Getting more than one hour of sleep at a time

I want to feel: Well rested

Segment: Tomorrow

In this segment I am: Going on the family outing (yet to be decided)

I want to accomplish: Enjoying myself and making great memories with the kids

I want to feel: Happy!

Segment: Tomorrow

In this segment I am: Riding to our next stop

I want to accomplish: Making it the rest of the way through the mountains safely

I want to feel: relaxed, easy, comfortable

Segment: Tomorrow

In this segment I am: Writing

I want to accomplish: Writing at least one full short story

I want to feel: Creative, inspired, relaxed

Segment: Tomorrow

In this segment I am: Stopping for the night (my father hasn’t decided if he wants to drive straight through or not, but I’m saying we will stop!)

I want to accomplish: Not being cramped in a van for more than 5 hours straight

I want to feel: as relaxed as possible

Daily Ritual

1) I didn’t meet many people today, only the staff at the hotels and the places we stopped to eat. I will say, everyone I came in contact with was nice beyond their professional responsibility. I enjoy smiles and genuine politeness. To me this isn’t just respect, but an acknowledgement of the people you are helping. I find Namaste to be a beautiful phrase, but it isn’t something commonly heard/said anywhere..actually, I haven’t heard anyone actually say it, only pass it around facebook. To me, a genuine smile holds everything that Namaste stands for.

2) To the questions how do I want to feel and what do I want to have…well, I want to feel happy. I want to feel satisfied with myself. I want to feel enough, nothing more nothing less. I can’t say I really want to have anything. Well, that isn’t true either. There are endless trivial things I would like to have, but they aren’t necessary and I think they would just be filling some sort of void. I want to have more reasons to be happy, I also want to be a reason that those around me are happy..or at least have the choice to be happy.

3) I am in the temple of my mind, each wing dedicated to the Pantheons of my past lives while three Goddesses who call to me in this life claim the central room. But I’m not alone, this isn’t only my place. It isn’t my place at all, but I am a part of it. There are others here, but I don’t see their faces, they are kneeling or raising their hands in reverence, I don’t see any of their faces, but that is exactly what I feel, reverence and power. I feel a knowing and trust that these entities, these powers, are here to assisting me if I merely ask the question..if I make my desires known.

4) Today I have $3,000 to spend and being in this spiritual mindset, I would spend it all on creating a place in my moms backyard, a gazebo of types with an altar and figurines of the various God/desses.

Evening Ritual

Ok! Ok! I get it! I need this pounded into my head, tattooed on the back of my eyelids. What is it with mother figures? I just realized that. The only two people who are still capable of getting under my skin and causing me lasting distress are my mother and stepmother. I feel powerless against them for very different reasons. I’ve put myself in a situation with my mother that is very unstable, as she could change her mind at any moment and I would be in a very bad situation. My stepmother on the other hand doesn’t have that level of power over me, but she has the distinct ability to remind me constantly that I’m not part of her family.

I understand we didn’t start on the best terms, but I was a teenager who was in the deepest parts of my self-hatred stage. Almost twelve years later and I still feel like that is who she sees. It doesn’t matter what I do or say, that is the image of me that she reverts back to and I don’t understand what I am doing to enforce this. I am VERY different than I was then, obviously, but even different than how I was four..even two years ago. I am constantly evolving and trying to expand myself, but this isn’t what she sees. She sees the threat, the reminder that my father had a life before her, and that I was a bitch as a teen.

I say this and even as I’m writing it I realize that I can’t know what she actually thinks of me, only the impressions I get from the way she responds to me. Regardless of what she sees or thinks, even when there are brief positive moments, it always comes back to a snappy attitude. She finds me annoying, that much I do know to be true, although I don’t know why. And this is where I must remind myself, IT DOESN’T MATTER. It is HER choice to reside in this place of agitation. There are plenty of things that annoy me, more in the past than now, but it is my choice whether or not to acknowledge them, or appreciate the things around me.

“You set your own tone so that you get to choose the tone of what happens in the interaction rather than observing someone else’s and becoming part of that.”

Let her be annoyed. Let the children go crazy. Let my father..be whatever he is, I can almost never read his emotions. The point is, their reality doesn’t have to be mine. This is something my father has tried telling me before, in other words, but I’ve always found it so hard to grasp. It is still a struggle and one that I need to be reminded of over and over. This is a practice after all. And even though it may still upset me at times, the fact I notice it and change my vibration is amazing progress.

About today I liked and enjoyed: Did I mention the Parthenon? The Parthenon was frickin amazing! Not just the scale building of well, the Parthenon, not just the gigantic statue of Athena, but also the art gallery and the history behind the building and the land. It was just beautiful and interesting and completely spiritually uplifting. I liked feeling a hint of what it meant to worship the Gods when it was common to walk into such temples…the sense of their size, their grandeur, the fact that to look upon their faces was a thing of awe and strain and that to crumple down and bow before them makes you that much smaller before their might. I like the power in that. I like that I can say that I’ve been to the Grand Ol’ Opry, even if it wasn’t to see a show, sometimes just going to a place is enough to make it a good memory. I’m glad I got so many great pictures today! Really, today was good. It feels like everything just falls into place, even the fact that the vending machines at the rest stop accepted credit cards since I’d run out of cash. I like that we stopped at a waffle house, I’d meant to ask if we would because after going places with Granny Elma so much, it just doesn’t feel like a real vacation/road trip if I don’t go to a waffle house at least once. And we got to do a load of laundry! I have a clean bra that doesn’t have 4 days of sweat stink!

I like about myself: Can I just say, my GPA? I love my grades and I love the stance I have on that. It isn’t that I would be upset if I get a bad grade but that getting a bad grade for a class isn’t an option. There is no reason for it if I put in even minimal effort and there is no reason why I should stop at the minimum, so no, bad grades are not an option. I like that I’ll be in honors classes next semester! (pending I get to talk to the school). I like me. It’s silly but there isn’t anyone else quite like me.

I like about Kristy: That she is forcing me to ask questions and then realize..it doesn’t really matter! I do actually like the lessons that she is teaching me because I know at the end of the day, she is family and that it is better I learn these things with her than others. She is teaching me things I need to overcome before I can possibly consider spending my life helping others.

I like about the van: That it really isn’t all that cramped, it could be far worse. I like that it’s actually getting us around safely without any problems and it seems to have decent gas mileage. If it weren’t for a vehicle like the van, I probably wouldn’t have been invited to come along at all.

I like about clouds: I’m fascinated by clouds and have been since I took some neat pictures in Louisiana. I love the images, I always see pictures and stories within them and always see something new every time I take pictures of them. I feel as though they’re messages writ across the sky for me. I should start writing these things in my doodle book but the messages aren’t coming across completely clear yet. I guess the writing might help with that.

I like about this trip: Going places I’ve never been! Mountains! Trees! The Parthenon! Music! The list goes on and on. I really am having fun and I’m glad that I’m getting a few moments to myself to write and reflect.

I like about Brooke: That she is teaching me patience. Oh Hel is she teaching me patience.

BOPA: Day 2 – Wealth

So, I didn’t get to BOPA last night. It was a choice and I’m pretty happy about it. I had a few experiences I’ll be glad to say I’ve had and I’d rather not write a blog post while inebriated, I’m hard enough to understand when completely sober hah. But, as I said before, I’m not skipping days in the book! So here I am at Day 2. I’ll read this as I write, jotting down my first impressions but I had to giggle a bit. Money is on my mind today, I’m at the end of what I had saved up and am limited on what I can spend for a while. I’m also thinking about how I’ll go about getting a job once I get back to Houston. And what is day 2? Wealth of course!

“We think that you know that you want it to be stimulating. You want to be fascinated. You want to be of value. You want to contribute, you want to make a difference. You want to move forward. You want financial remuneration. You want to be interested in what you’re doing.”

This, this is exactly why I’m back in college now. My previous jobs and anything I qualified for didn’t meet any of these things. They weren’t stimulating. They were mind numbing. And I felt like shit most of the time because my good deeds were never noticed, but every small mistake came out with such negativity. That isn’t the environment I want to be a part of. I want to be surrounded by positivity, by people who are also seeking more in their lives. I do sincerely believe that my education path will take me to this place, and in the mean time I am finding other facets of myself that I further wish to explore.

“Remember, step one is the asking, step two is the answering, and step three is the letting it in.”

I do like the question of action v. inaction. This is one reason that I could never strictly follow eastern philosophies, too much inaction. I do acknowledge there is peace to be found in this, but I don’t exactly what that peaceful of a life. I want contentment and security, but I also want excitement and inspiration. But, getting back on track, even though the universe is completely bringing things my way, the best way to get the ball rolling is by doing! This is something I’ve been working toward getting comfortable with for a long time. Too much of my life has been spent paralyzed by fear so far, but over the last few years I’ve worked toward action, being proactive, doing rather than waiting. I’m not going to argue that sitting back and waiting when you’re in the vibration is a bad thing, but in my instance, waiting because of fear only generated more fear.

Also, focusing on where you are rather than where you are going. This is a big one for me that I have constantly in practice now! Of course my life isn’t perfect but the funny thing is, I don’t really think about it until I talk to other people. They ask, how are you? How is your family? How is school? How is it living with your mom and grandmother? Apparently, my life is pretty damn hard. Or so I’m told. I get past the most basic details and I’m faced with pity. Of course there are days I get a little frustrated in the moment, but overall I don’t think of it as an impossible (or even bad!) situation. It’s just where I am now and I’m thankful that I’m here rather than where I was this time a year ago.

Funny, this didn’t actually address money but it does apply to my situation in too many ways. I do feel that I’m past this, this needing to be reminded of where I’m going rather than where I am, but this is a practice isn’t it? And a little nudging reminder isn’t a bad thing. Spending this long thinking on it only enforces the practice and sends further energy into the universe. I will graduate with honors, with the degrees that I want, have the career that I want. I’ll find satisfaction in what I’m doing and I’ll be a student the rest of my life, I’ve settled on this mentally not too long ago, but there is always something new to learn. Even if I’m not working toward a degree, I can learn things. I want to learn reflexology and reiki in addition to my degree program. I want to help others to heal.

Evening Ritual

I’m so tired now. I started writing this morning, since then I’ve made it from Memphis to Nashville and walked circles around down town Nashville. It’s been amazing for too many reasons. I wish I could remember everything, well almost everything. But lets not get distracted just yet…

What I Intend to do: Work it! Use the Ho’oponopono. Enjoy life and be open to possibilities. I intend to let stressful things roll off my back, if I am open and honest with myself and those around me then there is nothing the universe will send my way that will hurt me. Be happy! Be reminded. Most of all, I intend to be awesome.

For the Universe to handle: Everything! No, but really..I’d like the universe to make the rest of my vacation as pleasant as possible. I want happiness to rain down on all of us so that we’re all giggly and the neighbors have to wonder if we’re high. I want things to flow smoothly, or at least the opportunity for it and I want my own serenity to be available even if those around me choose to resist the flow.

I will be skipping scripting tonight as I’m impossibly tired, but I will say I’m focusing my good intentions on having a SAFE trip that goes as easily as possible, no problems internal or external.

1) How do I want to feel? I want to feel happy and accepted, I want to feel like an important part of the family, not just an option. I want to feel wanted, not needed or merely useful. What do I want to have? A relationship with my step-mom that I don’t feel the need to constantly question. Otherwise, I just want a stress-free vacation, I want to have fun and not worry about who is grumpy and who isn’t.

2) Will probably not do this part…

3) I’m laying on a massage table, it’s pleasantly warm in the room, dim and it smells like jasmine. Every last inch of my soreness is being rubbed away and I’m melting into the table, happy and feeling so, so good.

4) With the $2,000 I would rent a car once I got to Florida and use the rest for spending money.

I fell asleep at that point hah! But I will say, I had an amazing day, lessons included. A stranger offered to take my trash for me, that random act of kindness and his bright blue eyes made me smile. I saw a concert at the river in Nashville, walked all over the place and made it to the state Museum. All in all, it was a great day.

BOPA: Day 1 – Health

I’ve had so many little thoughts lately that I wish I had written down. I can’t recall half of them now, other than the fact that I wanted to stick them in my blog one way or another. But, I think the important thing at the moment is that I am doing this. Weeks before I started my vacation, I decided that I would use this period of time as more than just “getting away”, I want to get in touch too. I want to work this thing from day one, and if I happen to miss a day, I’ll continue on with the next. So here I am, sitting in a hotel room in Newport, Arkansas, fulfilling a promise to myself.

Morning Ritual Reflections

I’ve read this one several times but I still come away with a new message each time. It speaks of self love, but not in the typical sense. I can so easily say I love myself..but, I normally say “I love everything about myself, except the way I look.” Which, as of this moment that still stands to be true for the most part. I don’t like my weight and I’m uncomfortable when others find me physically attractive. But, lately I’ve been thinking about it in other ways as well…

My hair is it these days. I think I’ve come to the understanding that my weight is a choice and I’ve chosen to be this big and when I choose to no longer be this big then I wont be. I haven’t quite figured out WHY I’ve chosen to be this big yet, other than a means of protection. But, when it comes to how I view my beauty it all relies on how my hair is doing. I could be all dolled up, in all the right clothes but if my hair isn’t cooperating I feel like complete and utter crap. And while others would make excuses for their size or something else, I find myself trying to pardon the frizz in my hair. It’s a little odd, but that too is something I need to stop apologizing for. My hair (and eyes) is the source of most of the compliments I receive.

I wont follow that tangent too much longer, but this reading also reminds me of another very, very important point. I do struggle at times with remembering there is unity in all things. When I am in the right mindset, I can see it. I agree with it and know it to be true. But then I return to the “normal” and the idea that putting love into my food seems silly. I think I’ll make this as part of my intentions. The last BOPA meeting I was able to attend, we talked about praying before we eat and blessing our food. I’ve always loved that tradition but felt so odd about it and uncomfortable christian memories. 

What I Intend to do: I intend to bless my food before eating it. When I can, I will write love or light on my drinks, especially water, which I intend to drink more of. I intend to make an effort not to be so critical about myself, whether it be my weight, hair or any other physical aspect of myself. I also intend to be more loving toward others and lead by example, whether or not they realize what I am doing. I also intend to complete this 30 days.

For the Universe to handle: Most importantly, I will let the Universe keep me safe during this trip; take us down the safest roads, keep the path clear and our driver(s) awake and aware. I will also let the Universe bring the right people into my life, the sparks of moments, the pleasantries and boosts of love and confidence. 

Segment: Tonight

In this segment I am: Sleeping, sound, peacefully and without a worry

I want to accomplish: Getting a good nights sleep!

I want to feel: Well rested and ready for tomorrow

Segment: Tomorrow morning

In this segment I am: Riding in the van, on the way to Memphis

I want to accomplish: Getting there safely without any problems

I want to feel: Safe and excited!

Segment: Tomorrow mid-day

In this segment I am:  Touring Graceland

I want to accomplish: Having fun, learning new things, getting TONS of pictures

I want to feel: Exhilarated

Segment: Tomorrow evening

In this segment I am: Walking down Beale St.

I want to accomplish: Finding something new, meeting new people, having a good time

I want to feel: Excited and maybe a little scared

Segment: Tomorrow night

In this segment I am: Tucking myself in at the Heartbreak Hotel

I want to accomplish: Getting back to the hotel safely, going to bed in high spirits after doing my BOPA exercises

I want to feel: Satisfied

Daily Ritual

1) To be honest, at the moment I’m not really bothered by much. I do need to get laid, that is annoying, especially knowing I passed up a perfectly good chance before I left town. I wouldn’t attribute that to anything that is bothering me, its just a physical need. But, it would be nice to not be so easily distracted by every attractive thing that crosses my path while I’m trying to spend time with my family. I’d like to just be happy and content with them for now.

2) The question of “What do I want to have?” just made me giggle. Given what I just explained, do I really need to say it? I might blush!

3) I’ll keep my virtual reality to myself as well, it’s following in theme.

4) Today I have $1,000 to spend. With that, I’m going to pay off my bed. That is all.

Evening Ritual

My mind is blown. I’m not brand new to this Law of Attraction stuff, but the way this is worded…I don’t even know how to reflect. I guess it all comes down to the power of your thoughts. If you focus so much on the situation that you’re in, the negative that you’re surrounded by, that is what you will get more of. Of course, you’re putting energy into it, you’re feeding it, you’re calling it into your life. But if you can think on the positive, if you can put energy into what you want, that is what will come to you. That’s the jist of all of this, isn’t it?

Maybe I need to put thought into attracting a man. I’m sorry, I had to laugh. I know that isn’t what I really want. Maybe this desire isn’t so simple after all. I’ll have to think on it. Perhaps I’ll dream on it tonight, I expect something vivid and telling. But, I did enjoy this reading, as mind blowing as it is. I’m happy to say that at the moment, I’m not completely miserable with my place in life. I know it is only where I am and not where I will be and I put so much thought and love into where I want to be, I know it will be a reality.

About today I liked and enjoyed: I think it might be easier to list what I didn’t like! But that would defeat the purpose wouldn’t it? I liked finishing my summer classes completely. I liked getting to spend time with my cousins. I really enjoyed getting a personal tour from my cousin Junior. I enjoyed the little nap I managed to get in at cousin Waynes house. I loved all the animals I got to play with today. I liked all the green, the rivers and lakes. I liked dinner and getting to be around even more cousins. I loved being able to share stories and learn more about my family. I loved being able to laugh and sharing all the hugs.

I like about myself: My determination! I like that I’m actually over looking my weight now, even though it has been slightly redirected to my hair. I like my smile, I actually do like my hair, I like how kind I can be but that I also know my boundaries. I like that I have such a strong connection to animals and feel so good out in nature.

I like about Dena: She has such a great sense of humor and a mischievous little smile. I feel like we have much more in common than we’ll ever know.

I like about Felicia: Her smile! The way she tells stories. Her happiness is contagious, it’s absolutely amazing.

I like about Junior: His stories! His witty little comments. I love hearing the things he had to say as well as the questions he had to ask, he is so unexpected and refreshing.

I like about Kristy: She knows my body language and easily reads my mood, I’d forgotten that she could. I like how considerate she is, even if a little skittish. I’ve enjoyed seeing another side of her that seems slightly more vulnerable and easy to relate to. 

I like about Martha: What isn’t there to like! She is so blunt in that wonderful old southern sort of way. She is filled with so much love and happiness. She has some stories too and it’s just been completely wonderful being around her. I know that we’d be close too if we lived closer to one another.

And tonight, I intend to dream my answers and in the morning I will remember them.

Worry Less

That’s what I keep telling myself tonight; Worry Less.

I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon for vacation! I could write an entire post just on my excitement, all the feelings I have toward my family and all the things I want to do, but that isn’t what is pushing me to write tonight. However, I will say that I fully intend to start from day 1 of the workbook after I’m completely done with my school work.

And there we have it, the source of my worry. Actually, let me be completely honest here. I didn’t manage my time well. I was (and to a degree am!) so proud of myself at how we’ll I’ve handled these classes, but I misread a very important assignment and didn’t go back to double check it. Now this assignment is due at a time that I’m not certain I will have access to the internet.

I have a plan of action but my mind is playing out all of these horrible scenarios where I wont get it done on time and I’ll fail the class. I feel other things creeping up around the edges as well, but I’m fending them off. Worry Less.

So tonight I’ll sleep. I have an alarm set to go off fairly early and after I’ve done packing, I’ll spend the rest of my morning working on this assignment. I’ll also have a good amount of time sitting at the airport both before and after my flight. At first I wasn’t too thrilled about that thought, who wants to sit around an airport for hours after they’ve landed? But now I’m thankful and part of me hopes my fathers flight is delayed (but not cancelled!) so that I get a bit more time.

It’s nights like this I wish I knew where my angel oracle cards were. They’ve been mysteriously absent since I moved to Houston..but I’m sure they’ll turn up sooner or later. So let’s see what my beautiful dragonfly tarot has for me. Words of comfort perhaps?

8 of cups..hah..okay, maybe I wont wait until the morning. I have at least another hour before I’ll sleep tonight. So that’s an hour that I can dedicate to my project and an hour that will make me much more confident about tomorrow. And with that..I’ll be back to write more once I’m able to start over from day 1!