I haven’t BOPA’ed on here in a while. I just haven’t felt drawn to do it during the week and I attend class every Monday, so I get my normal LOA time in then. There are so many aspects of it that I practice daily, but simply don’t write it down. Anyway, we made vision boards tonight so we weren’t able to do our normal in class exercises and it has me feeling a bit weird. So..let’s see what the 8th day holds.
As usual, it pertains to me in this moment perfectly. When initially coming into knowingly working with the law of attraction, I found the idea of thinking things into existence a bit confusing. It still conflicts with ideas that I was raised to believe. How can anything get done if I’m not doing anything? I’ve had enough happen to realize that it is true and possible, but at the same time there are still little hang ups in my head.
Money must be earned through hard work. That is a common American stance, isn’t it? It’s the driving thought behind every middle class citizen, that thing that makes a miserable mediocre life something to be proud of. It takes hard work to get in shape and even more work to stay in shape! Well no, it takes a little dedication and some will power, but its not as hard as my mind wants to tell me. Love is painful, relationships almost never work and the ones that do are hard work to keep up. That..doesn’t sound right either. If a relationship is healthy and beneficial in any way, be it family, friend or lover, it will flow easily and when it doesn’t, forgiveness will come easily.
That nasty word ‘work’ is like a brick wall. The second that it comes into the picture, it automatically makes things so much more difficult than it’s meant to be. However, that isn’t to say that action doesn’t help. Sure, if you allow yourself, you can think yourself anything you want, but action speeds it up and acts as that needed justification that most of us reach for on a physical level. We like to feel at least partly responsible for the good things in our lives, anything freely given is often met with suspicion and fear – if it came so easily, then surely it can leave just as quickly. So, it is safer for us, in these flesh minds, to think up things that are are a result of flesh actions. But guess what, the Universe is more than okay with working that way.
When we send out our rockets of desire but are not able to receive as openly as the universe is willing to send, it will start to play a game. Motivation toward certain actions will arise. Unexpected opportunities will pop up. This is where our receptiveness really comes into play. We have to be willing to listen to that little hint of a feeling, willing to take a chance on something that seems like it may be too good to be true. If we are acting in a way that is true to ourselves and our desires, the universe will deliver exactly what we’ve asked for.
In this moment, weight loss is something I’ve struggled with for too long. I wanted to lose weight for all the wrong reasons. I wasn’t honest with myself. I gave into those voices of doubt, both my own and those of others. I hated myself through the process every time I started, set myself up for failure and as expected, let myself down, only to be even crueler to myself. However, in recent months I’ve decided to look at it more clearly, strip away all the negative little things and realize what it is that I really want and why. I showed progress initially, without any exercise, but then it kicked in that I wasn’t actually doing anything. Needless to say, my progress stopped. But unlike those times in the past, I’ve remained kind to myself. I’m not upset and I’ve let go of those momentary lapses of disappointment rather easily. And now I have a reason to do something..I have a date, I have a set goal, and I am so freaking completely excited about it. I’ve been moved into action, to do something that will help me, but the motivation was completely unexpected.
What I intend to do: I intend to be more openly grateful. Instead of just uttering what may seem like an obligatory thank you, I want to say why “Thank you for…”. I also intend to have an awesome Halloween week! I intend to have an amazing time with Rob on Thursday. I intend to open doors and allow abundance into my life in the most unique and unexpected ways. I intend to start walking this week. I also intend to cut out fast food again (I’ve had it twice recently, after almost two months without).
For the Universe to handle: The Universe will show clear, recognizable, tangible results for my actions. The universe will also fill this gnawing need for attention, whether it be by helping me to let it go and be happy when I’m alone or having someone worthy of my time fill those quite moments. The universe will bring about more moments that spur laughter and smiles this week.
1. Segment: Tonight
In this segment I am: Sleeping peacefully
I want to accomplish: Having only good dreams! Getting a good nights sleep. Waking up peaceful and refreshed.
I want to feel: Happy, peaceful, well rested
2. Segment: Tomorrow morning
In this segment I am: Going for a well woman check up
I want to accomplish: Having a clean bill of health and getting back on birth control
I want to feel: Confident, comfortable, appreciated
3. Segment: Tomorrow afternoon
In this segment I am: Turning in my oral argument outline
I want to accomplish: Making an A!
I want to feel: Happy, assured, proud, relieved, relaxed
4. Segment: Wednesday
In this segment I am: Remembering to bring cookies to my english class!
I want to accomplish: Remembering the cookies
I want to feel: Happy, togetherness, relieved that I have extended time
5. Segment: Wednesday night
In this segment I am: Going to Pat’s meditation
I want to accomplish: Enjoying myself, getting a good video of the Table tipping
I want to feel: Accepted, involved, empowered, joyful, happy
6. Segment: Thursday afternoon
In this segment I am: With Rob
I want to accomplish: Enjoying every second of my time with him
I want to feel: Satisfied, happy, loved, relaxed
1) I feel good at this moment. There are some physical aspects I am not comfortable with. I had a greasy dinner, so my gut is feeling heavy. Also, I haven’t done my stretches recently and my posture is suffering. Those aren’t things I can really move myself to complain about or ask how they could be better, because I know the cause and I’m okay with it. However, if I were asked to reflect on what could make this moment even better – I would like to have a place of my own, or with Rob. I strongly desire to explore my time with him more, to be around him more, to have more of his attention. Just thinking about him makes me happier, but I would like to physically be with him.
2) Basically covered this above. It may seem crazy after such a short time, but I want to live with him. I want to experience him daily. I want to enjoy his mind as much as I do his body. To have those spare moments in the evenings or mornings, to feel him next to me through the night. To feel his presence near, even when my attention is else where, when I’m focused on school assignments or hes taking care of professional concerns. Simply being near him, seeing him regularly, sounds absolutely blissful.
3) The first time I felt loved for me. He drove so far just to spend the day with me. I was hanging out at his hotel room, we were going to watch a movie. We started to, but neither of us could pay attention, too lost in each others conversation. I don’t know when it changed, when we first kissed but soon our clothes were lost and I was ashamed, scared of him seeing my body. But he smiled. He kissed up my thighs, over my stomach, skipping naughty areas but each kiss was so full of adoration. He told me he could kiss every inch of my body and never have enough because everything about me was perfect. In that moment, I believed him.
4) Today I have $8,000 to spend. I’m putting $2,000 toward regular sessions with a personal trainer over the next six months. $3,000 to the Costa Rica trip. And the remaining $3,000 to go on a weekend trip somewhere with Rob, only the two of us for a few days, where? Doesn’t really matter as long as we have a nice room and beautiful scenery.
What you think, what you feel is what you attract to yourself. This is the very basis of the Law of Attraction, but it really isn’t that simple, is it? How can you think about something you want, truly tap into the feeling of it, if you don’t have it? If you’re constantly thinking..well, it would be nice if I had that,but I don’t, so it isn’t really that nice. I wish I had that, but I don’t. I’ve thought about it enough, I really want it, but I still don’t have it. But the more I think about it, the more I want it and the more I know I don’t have it and it seems like it’ll never get here.
So long as you’re focused on what you don’t have, the fact that you don’t have it, it doesn’t matter how much you want it!
I see this in play almost every day at this point. Rob and I are so tuned into each other. Yes, I would love more of his attention. I think about it more than I should and when I’m thinking about that, he never seems to be available. He isn’t around to feed my insecurity, those fleeting moments when I’m feeling clingy rather than simply enjoying him. He just isn’t there. But when I put the phone down, when I force myself to let it go, to be happy in the moment and know that even though he isn’t there right that second, he is -there-….I suddenly get a text message or a phone call and he reminds me just how much he enjoys me. Because it is only then, in that moment of acceptance that I can truly appreciate him and what we are developing together.
Last night I had a rather unpleasant dream. I’ve been working through issues that relate to my ex-fiance that I didn’t realize were still lurking, but they’ve surfaced recently and have stirred up more doubt than I’m comfortable with. But I’ve won against them, I see them, have embraced them and am happy to move onto better things. But, my subconscious has been reluctant to join in the march of progress. So when I woke up this morning, I wasn’t happy. I wanted to go to Rob for reassurance, because his actions in my dreams were not acceptable. All morning I felt miserable. He didn’t even text me. Every morning he texts me something sweet to start the day, but he didn’t this morning. I made it half way through history class before I was able to talk myself down. It was a dream. It was a dream because of these issues I am releasing. He didn’t do those things. He wouldn’t do those things. That wasn’t him. He clearly adores me. Why do I want to push these thoughts on him, punish him with this insecurity that has no place between us? I don’t. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable, Jeanie. Please forgive me for putting up that resistance. Thank you for understanding. I love you.
With in seconds, he text me, calling me his sweetness and wishing me a fantastic day at school.
Which, I have to say, I’m truly happy to have someone who is on the same frequency. I can’t imagine conflict every arising between us, there is a magnetism that draws us together when all is right and pushes us apart when things are askew. It’s a bit funny, but I feel like he’ll never see my “bad side” and I’ll never see his, which makes for an absolutely wonderful relationship.
About today I liked and enjoyed: The above example! I enjoyed being given a whole extra week to work on my oral argument. I enjoyed organizing my classes, getting things in line perfectly to begin the process of transferring schools. I enjoyed the exchange with Professor Fray, which made me even more confident in my choice to do the study abroad program. I enjoyed BOPA! I had a blast making my new vision board, I genuinely smile every time I look at it. I also like that I got a last minute invite to a reiki circle tomorrow that Jessica and Lisa will be attending too!
I like about myself: I like the way my cheeks feel when I smile. I like my adaptability. I like my want to learn and do and experience new things. I like my open mindedness and ability to learn things from conflicting sources. I really just like me, I like the things I’m doing, the places I’m going and the people I’m doing it with!
I like about Rob: Can I just say everything? I like his understanding, his straight forwardness. I like how he seems to read my mind, how he says things that I’ve thought for years. I like how cute he is, physically and in behavior. I absolutely adore this man and even after a month, I can easily see myself spending the rest of my life with him.
I like about Nancy: I love Nancy. She is so supportive, even when her own life is falling apart. I like how driven she can be, how she will do what ever it takes to take care of her own. I like that I can trust her, that there is never a feeling of judgment. I truly feel a sense of unconditional love from and for her.
I like about my mom: She is trying, still resisting but making baby steps. It’s hard to see progress when you’re faced with baby steps every day, but when I look back over the span of this last year, and even past that, I can’t deny that she is really making attempts to turn her life around. I like that she is showing me that it’s never too late to change.
I like about Lisa: She is such an amazing teacher, but not in the traditional sense..or possibly more traditional than we know these days? She opens the door but then allows us to find our way through it. I enjoy her perspective on things, her willingness to see others views while remaining true to her own. I feel such a kinship with her, I can’t explain it exactly, but I feel myself expanding, gratefully so, by being around her and those who also enjoy her style of teaching.
And tonight…I would rather not dream. Or not remember them if I do. I would love happy dreams, even non-remembered ones. I want a peaceful night, one of rest, so that when I wake up in the morning (perhaps even before my alarm), I am smiling and happy, ready for the day ahead.